Ephesians 4:31-32
Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Did I ever tell you about the injustice I suffered in my high school senior English class? No? Well, thank goodness I had finally stopped talking about it when we met, because that was one I held onto for far longer than I’d like to admit. I was wronged! Robbed! Forced to endure hypocrisy of the most outrageous degree! And utterly stuck in my self-righteousness about it all. At the time, I shared the hurtful story with everyone who would hear me out, the telling soaked with indignation and anger.
Rather than finding relief and a path to forgiveness, by repeating the story, I reinforced my bitterness. It felt better to stay angry than to sit with the sadness and hurt. For too long, I kept that sour story right where I left it, buried like a talent that nothing could touch. If I peeked in to see it, the offense was still intact, and the offender still as wrong as ever.
Maybe you also have old stories of disillusionment or conflict that couldn’t quite shed their skins and grow up. In this week’s passage from Ephesians, we are encouraged to put away or to give up bitterness, slander, and malice. There is something we must let go of if our anger is to remain in service to the good – for us and our neighbor. Anger can be a useful signal to us that we’re experiencing an unmet need or something is awry; it might prompt us into reflection or action to remedy the situation.
It can help to bring curiosity to our anger. Wonder about what griefs or neglected needs may be part of the picture. Why is this upsetting to me today? What outcome or conclusion am I in fear of? When we coddle or rehearse our anger, as my 17-year-old self did so vigorously, we lock down our perception and make it hard for understanding, growth, or healing to come our way. When instead we set down our resentment, our bitterness, our need to be right, we can accept the God-given gift that is the ability to forgive and heal.
Jack Handey, the old dispenser of Deep Thoughts on Saturday Night Live, offers this (tongue-in-cheek) wisdom: “To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anyone says, ‘Hey, can you give me a hand,’ you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks.’”
What can you let go of today that might free you to hold and cherish the gift God is giving you instead? Experiment with that in prayer—imagine yourself actually setting down the gnawing thing that you have been carrying. See how those open hands also open our hearts.
Peace, Ann +
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